Every minute, every second, of every hour all you hear is, “What if? Your heart and mind join forces becoming an evil villain that is out to destroy you and bring you down. The simplest things in life became huge mountains that are impossible to climb.
A family vacation, a night out with friends, or a walk around the block is a death trap.
I had been reading a book on women's friendships, and combined with the scary things I had just seen, my OCD went into overdrive trying to figure out if it was safe to be in a relationship with a man, whether I was making a mistake, showing extremely poor judgement. I had never met anyone who listened to me like this man did, and took my thoughts seriously. But my OCD wanted absolute certainty that he wouldn't become a monster. If you stay with this man, you are betraying your gender. This was the essence of OCD--I didn't want to break up with him. She knew she was anxious, but assumed that was a sign of her own defectiveness.
As my anniversary approached, the obsessing intensified, and permeated all my thoughts and feelings. My best guess would've been that no, this was unlikely, but the OCD whittled away at this knowledge, kept demanding I figure things out. I just wanted the anxiety and intrusive thoughts and endless exhausting dialogues in my head to go away, and to know for sure I wasn't making a mistake. She didn't know that OCD attacks what we hold dearest, what cuts right to the core of our identity and self.
These rituals might be excessive hand washing, cleaning, counting, or checking.
Even though the person with OCD knows these are ineffective, the urge is overwhelming and overpowering so they give in to it.
I remember our 3rd anniversary, as we sat on the floor of my dorm room, and I struggled to tell him my fears.Obsessive-compulsive disorder comprises thoughts, images or urges that are unwanted, distressing, interfere with a person's life and that are commonly experienced as contradicting a persons' beliefs and values.Attempts to suppress or "neutralize" obsessions increase rather than decrease the frequency and distress caused by the obsessions.Thoughts get stuck, constantly running like a hamster trapped in a cage spinning endlessly on his wheel.OCD interferes with responsible functioning: job, relationships, punctuality, or just being able to live comfortably with themselves and their loved ones.